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Thursday, August 18, 2011

Day 20

My fears:


Well lets see i am afraid of snakes, spiders, the dark, dying alone, losing everyone i love, the dark, public speaking. some of these fears i remember having from the time i was really young. i guess i am just one of those people who never grow out of some of these fears that they had as a child. Some of my fears i got over but when im high stressed or extremely upset than some of those old fears pop back up. its crazy but when i said ill never grow up i guess that means my fears will go with me. i dont have a problem having fears it shows we are all human plus ive learned to live with them.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Day 19

5 thing i lust after:


1. a better relationship with my mother.

2. getting out of this town.

3. a relationship that actually is good for me and not destructive.

4. a job.

5. a new coach purse to replace my ripped one.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Day 18

A problem that ive had:


i think i would have to say the problem that is most reoccurring and also most recent is the view i have of myself. i act like i have all the self confidence in the world but in reality i have absolutely zero confidence. i have great friends that tell me i am beautiful and this great person and i just cant believe them. i guess in a way this problem leads to the problem of the people i date. i am working on how i view myself and luckily i have the friends i do who are helping out a lot. i have to say over the past year i have grown to love myself and have grown into a better person because of that. its a work in progress im a work in progress. problems are problems but at least you can have a chance to fix them.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Day 17

something that i am proud of...hmm i would have to say the thing i am most proud of is graduating college i know to some its just a simple fact of life and getting over and done with as quickly as possible. but to me it was a great accomplishment. i always had some sort of idea of what i wanted to do with my life but knowing and having that degree just feels absolutely amazing. looking back on all those different and difficult obstacles makes my proud that much bigger, that much stronger and that much sweeter. i never had very many people doubt me and im grateful for that but the people who did and i can look at them and proudly say "hey guess what... i did it without you but i have to say thank you because guess what you made me want to finish that much more for how much you doubted me." i know saying this wont change anything and they will find something else to doubt me on but i know i will and can keep proving them wrong. now all i need to do is get a job and ill be set for awhile.


p.s. thank you for everyone who pushed me im grateful :)

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Day 16

Something i always think "what if..." about:


hmm well thats a long list but i guess the one thing i always think "what if" about would have to be what if i hadnt moved home and hadnt dated jose again. would my life be any better or any worse? since this is the most recent thing that has happened to me it is probably my biggest what if. i dont regret anything especially anything i did in this past year. it has made me stronger. its just one of those things. i have been really hurt this past year and i guess in some way i was wondering if i wouldnt have gotten hurt like i did or would it have been worse. who knows and to be honest im glad i did the things i did this past year. i got closer to a really great friend that i know will be there through all of my ups and downs and i realized even more i have to do what is best for myself. this post i realize might seem like a huge oxymoron. but i think that you can wonder what if about something yet not regret it or want to change the way things happened.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Day 15

Taurus:

April 20 - May 20

The grounded and stable Bull knows what it wants -- and knows how to get it. Appreciating the finest things in life, determined Taurus seeks pleasure through luxury. You simple souls know how to find true comfort by tapping into the very best that each of the five senses has to offer. While at times stubborn to a fault, Taurus refuses to settle for anything less than the best.

You aren't necessarily like a Bull in a ring with a toreador. You could be more like peace-loving Ferdinand, seeking the gentle meadows filled with flowers, sunshine and natural beauty. It's only your stubbornness that can make you angry enough to charge at someone who is disturbing your peace.

You Bulls are noted for your determination. You get to where you are going, not because you are exceptionally fast or clever, but because you will not be distracted from your goals. Your need for stability and simplicity can motivate you to create a life for yourself that is quite functional, though it might seem boring to someone else. But you aren't interested in taking unnecessary risks that can put your solid footing in jeopardy.

Your motto might be "Take care of the senses and everything else will take care of itself." It may be that your attraction to material things is less about the objects themselves than it is about the pleasure they bring to your senses. Comfortable living and working space is important to you, along with nice linens, clothing, food and music. And, as one of the most practical signs, your outlook on life is usually quite sensible. As you plod along in life, getting what you need in order to survive, don't forget to look at the beauty that is beyond the material world of material possessions.

Element: Earth

Earth signs are naturally practical. In this lifetime we are bound to Earth. There is no escaping the reality around us. The Earth is about as real as it gets; it can be felt, weighed and it has substance. Accordingly, the earth signs base their life on what is real, not what is imagined. Sensation is valued over thoughts or feelings. Earth signs live with their feet on the ground. Others seek their advice because of their basic sensibility. For earth signs, seeing is believing.

The earth of Taurus is simple and sensible. It's about getting back to basics. This is about working the earth in a garden or about having the tools that we need in order to build.


House: Second

The Second House symbolizes those things that are of value to us. Personal possessions are within this domain, as is our money. Anything having personal value is associated with the Second House. It also represents those things we value that are not things. When you think about what is most important to you -- your own values -- you are indeed thinking about your Second House.

Key Planet: Venus

Venus is the planet of love and desire. She is in charge of romance and beauty. But Venus isn't only about physical love; she's also symbolic of the ideal love. When we see a beautiful painting or other work or art, Venus is present. She is the beauty of a rose as much as she is the attraction we have to someone we love. As the key planet of Taurus, Venus is sensual and simple. We fulfill the senses with beauty and life is good.

Greatest Strength:

Your sensible outlook on life

Possible Weakness:

Accepting less than you can achieve


yeah i completely agree with the sign that i was born under. it seems to fit very well with my personality. the one part of my personality that fits very well with the taurus is being stubborn. i am the most stubborn person i know but i think thats just who i am and who i will always be. :)

Friday, August 12, 2011

Day 14

what i wore today:


a maroon tank under a white shirt (hollister)
with jessica simpson jeans
and brown reef sandals
just the normal nothing special

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Day 13

My body and how i feel about it:


well it isnt a secret of how i feel about my body. i hate my body i really do. there are many reasons why i do. it might be because of i remember how my body looked when i was cheerleader and did all those activities. it might be the fact my ex called me fat. it also might be the fact that ever since i was 10 my mother has called me fat. i have days where ill feel fine with it. but im going to change and work on that i want to be comfortable like i use to when i was younger. i look in the mirror and try to say 10 things about myself that i truly love and i just cant instead ill get to 3 and start seeing the things i actually hate. so my goal after yesterday and weeding out all the bad there was in my life im going to work on myself im going to become happy and comfortable with myself again. i realize its going to be hard but life is hard and its time i begin to love who i am on the outside since i love who i am on the inside.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

oh god...

this has been the hardest day ive been through in a really long time. today was the day i kicked my ex out of my life. he literally has been texting me daily telling me how much he wanted me back and all this other stuff and now i found out hes dating the girl he use to send inappropriate texts to while we were dating. he is a pig and i hate him. well i wish i did anyways. i cant hate him but it will be a whole hell of a lot easier once hes out of my life. the sad thing is that he was one of my best friends 3 years ago. we dated off and on for 2 of those 3. this just sucks. i guess i fouled myself in thinking that we could stay friends but i guess i lied to myself. and he lied to me for months he lied. when i first started dating him i thought he was the sweetest guy ever but no he wasnt not even close he is probably the biggest horniest asshole i have ever known and that says a lot considering how many jackasses i have dated since i was 15. im done. im focusing on myself my friends and my family any guy is really going to have to prove to me that he is worth my time my heart and my focus if you cant prove that then keep moving.


i know this rant probably doesnt make any sense but i needed to get it out.

Day 12

Five Attractive guys:



1. Gerard Butler





2. Kellan Lutz





3. channing tatum








4. Sean Farris





5. dwayne johnson