Day 1

Ten Facts:

1. i am hidden.

2. i smile no matter what is going on in my life.

3. its hard to gain my trust and once lost theres a high possibility i will never trust you again.

4. i get distracted very easily.

5. im extremely ticklish.

6. i dont believe in regrets its a wasted emotion.

7. ive been through a lot in my life more than any one person knows.

8. i hate feeling vulnerable.

9. i dont care what people think about me.

10. My friends and family mean everything to me and no one could ever replace them.

Another 30 day challenge :D

Day 01 – A picture of yourself with ten facts
Day 02 – A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
Day 03 – A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Day 04 – A picture of your night
Day 05 – A picture of your favorite memory
Day 06 – A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day
Day 07 – A picture of your most treasured item
Day 08 – A picture that makes you laugh
Day 09 – A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
Day 10 – A picture of the person you do the most ****** up things with
Day 11 – A picture of something you hate
Day 12 – A picture of something you love
Day 13 – A picture of your favorite band or artist
Day 14 – A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without
Day 15 – A picture of something you want to do before you die
Day 16 – A picture of someone who inspires you
Day 17 – A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
Day 18 – A picture of your biggest insecurity
Day 19 – A picture and a letter
Day 20 – A picture of somewhere you’d love to travel
Day 21 – A picture of something you wish you could forget
Day 22 – A picture of something you wish you were better at
Day 23 – A picture of your favorite book
Day 24 – A picture of something you wish you could change
Day 25 – A picture of your day
Day 26 – A picture of something that means a lot to you
Day 27 – A picture of yourself and a family member
Day 28 – A picture of something you’re afraid of
Day 29 – A picture that can always make you smile
Day 30 – A picture of someone you miss
Day 31 – A picture of yourself

Starting Tomorrow!

Day 30

One thing i am excited for:

hmm well since i am only 22 i think i have a lot of things to be excited for but the one that stands out the most i think would have to be starting my career. My career is so exciting for me. it could turn my entire world upside down in an amazing way. let me meet new people move somewhere new. i love adventure and i think thats how the rest of my life will be. hopefully meet my future husband staying close with my best friends and just living life and having that life be filled with memories and laughter and just the little things in life that make my future life exciting. so i guess in general i would say im looking forward and excited for the rest of my life just to see what it has in store for me. cause whatever it throws my way ill get through it with my family and friends by my side its going to be one fantastic journey.

so this ends my 30 day journey ive loved blogging again and ive hoped you liked reading it even though there is only one person i know who reads it. love you to death murphy sunshine :)

Day 29

Five weird things that i like:

this one is a little difficult for me i mean hey i admit im weird maybe even a little more weird then others but to list things that are weird that i like first its hard to pick just five and second if theyre weird why would i find them weird theyre normal for me since i do them.

1. cheese with chocolate milk...no judgement

2. i love when harry met sally i watch it almost 3 times a month

3. jalapenos, i love spicy food

4. dancing around (horribly) while either blow drying my hair or just letting it air dry

5. listening to 90s song and screaming not singing along to them :)

Day 28

Somewhere i'd like to move:

North Carolina or Georgia i think those states are gorgeous and when i visited there it was just place i knew i would love. i could fit in there perfectly. plus being on the water isnt a bad thing either :P

Somewhere i'd like to visit

Bora bora just because the water is crystal clear and its far away from judgement and the past i think that probably what makes me want to go there the most so i can get away from everything at least for only a little while its worth it :)

Day 27

A quote i try to live by:

"~The most selfish one letter word "I" Avoid it. The most satisfying two letter word "We" Use it. The most poisonous three letter word "Ego" Kill it. The most used four letter word " Love" Value it. The most pleasing five letter word "Smile" Keep it. The fastest spreading six letter word "Rumor" Ignore it. The hardest working seven letter word "Jealously" Distance it. The most powerful nine letter word "Knowledge" Acquire it

The most essential ten letter word "Confidence" Trust it

i dont remember who said this but one of my professors said it and i just cant get it out of my head. its very obvious why i try to live by it. it kind of speaks for itself. i think this is one of the most truthful quotes i have ever come into contact with. its a great quote and i believe one that truly speaks to our insecurities. so hopefully someone else might come to love it as much as i do. :)

Day 26

Things that i like and dislike about myself:

Likes:

my eyes

my personality

my laugh

my hair

my boobs

my butt

Dislikes:

my stomach

my thighs

my ankles

my feet

and my love handles

my view of myself

Day 25

Something i am currently worrying about:

well there is two things but they kind of go hand in hand. The first thing im worried about is the job interview i have tonight at 5. i know im a good candidate for the job but that doesnt matter i always get really nervous and really scared right before i go to do something like this. i guess ill just have to take a deep breath and calm down i can do this i know i can, sorry i kind of went on a rant and giving myself a pep talk oops :)

the other thing im worried about is getting job period not to mention one in the paralegal field which i have my degree in. its just kind of hard to get that kind of job when every person looking for a paralegal wants someone with experience. PLEASE SOMEONE JUST GIVE ME THE CHANCE AND THE EXPERIENCE ALREADY!

Day 24

So i missed yesterday. sorry, but i had a lot on my mind.

Five words or phrases that make me laugh...hmmm...

1.singing party in the usa

2. awkward turtle or anything for that matter

3. Pillsbury dough girl/boy

4. little bit

5. jessica your like a pitt bull in a chihuahua body.

Day 23

Something that i miss...

wow well thats a tough one i guess the thing i miss most is that feeling of safety. i know this might sound weird to someone but i love that feeling and warmth you get when a guy is hugging you, holding you, holding your hands just pretty much touching you. im so use to it, it just feels like somethings missing. no matter what i do or who im around i just cant get that feeling back. i guess what keeps me going is i know ill get it back one day so maybe i should just show patience. well see.

Day 22

my academics:

well considering i graduated in march i dont really have academics now. but then, while i was in college, were amazing. i had a 4.0 and i worked hard to get it there and keep it there. i am proud of my academics and always will be. i hope to at one point go back to school but if i dont at least ill be happy with where im at :)

Day 21

my hopes for what i want my future to be like... hmm the only thing i really expect from my future is to be happy and successful. other than those two things i dont have any expectations for my future because you have those expectations there is a chance that they could come around and disappoint you because it wasnt what you expect it to be. so id rather just keep it simple and just keep myself and my friends and family happy and see where this all takes me cause at least ill know ill be happy in the end :)

Day 20

My fears:

Well lets see i am afraid of snakes, spiders, the dark, dying alone, losing everyone i love, the dark, public speaking. some of these fears i remember having from the time i was really young. i guess i am just one of those people who never grow out of some of these fears that they had as a child. Some of my fears i got over but when im high stressed or extremely upset than some of those old fears pop back up. its crazy but when i said ill never grow up i guess that means my fears will go with me. i dont have a problem having fears it shows we are all human plus ive learned to live with them.

Day 19

5 thing i lust after:

1. a better relationship with my mother.

2. getting out of this town.

3. a relationship that actually is good for me and not destructive.

4. a job.

5. a new coach purse to replace my ripped one.

Day 18

A problem that ive had:

i think i would have to say the problem that is most reoccurring and also most recent is the view i have of myself. i act like i have all the self confidence in the world but in reality i have absolutely zero confidence. i have great friends that tell me i am beautiful and this great person and i just cant believe them. i guess in a way this problem leads to the problem of the people i date. i am working on how i view myself and luckily i have the friends i do who are helping out a lot. i have to say over the past year i have grown to love myself and have grown into a better person because of that. its a work in progress im a work in progress. problems are problems but at least you can have a chance to fix them.

Day 17

something that i am proud of...hmm i would have to say the thing i am most proud of is graduating college i know to some its just a simple fact of life and getting over and done with as quickly as possible. but to me it was a great accomplishment. i always had some sort of idea of what i wanted to do with my life but knowing and having that degree just feels absolutely amazing. looking back on all those different and difficult obstacles makes my proud that much bigger, that much stronger and that much sweeter. i never had very many people doubt me and im grateful for that but the people who did and i can look at them and proudly say "hey guess what... i did it without you but i have to say thank you because guess what you made me want to finish that much more for how much you doubted me." i know saying this wont change anything and they will find something else to doubt me on but i know i will and can keep proving them wrong. now all i need to do is get a job and ill be set for awhile.

p.s. thank you for everyone who pushed me im grateful :)

Day 16

Something i always think "what if..." about:

hmm well thats a long list but i guess the one thing i always think "what if" about would have to be what if i hadnt moved home and hadnt dated jose again. would my life be any better or any worse? since this is the most recent thing that has happened to me it is probably my biggest what if. i dont regret anything especially anything i did in this past year. it has made me stronger. its just one of those things. i have been really hurt this past year and i guess in some way i was wondering if i wouldnt have gotten hurt like i did or would it have been worse. who knows and to be honest im glad i did the things i did this past year. i got closer to a really great friend that i know will be there through all of my ups and downs and i realized even more i have to do what is best for myself. this post i realize might seem like a huge oxymoron. but i think that you can wonder what if about something yet not regret it or want to change the way things happened.

Day 15

Taurus:

April 20 - May 20

The grounded and stable Bull knows what it wants -- and knows how to get it. Appreciating the finest things in life, determined Taurus seeks pleasure through luxury. You simple souls know how to find true comfort by tapping into the very best that each of the five senses has to offer. While at times stubborn to a fault, Taurus refuses to settle for anything less than the best.

You aren't necessarily like a Bull in a ring with a toreador. You could be more like peace-loving Ferdinand, seeking the gentle meadows filled with flowers, sunshine and natural beauty. It's only your stubbornness that can make you angry enough to charge at someone who is disturbing your peace.

You Bulls are noted for your determination. You get to where you are going, not because you are exceptionally fast or clever, but because you will not be distracted from your goals. Your need for stability and simplicity can motivate you to create a life for yourself that is quite functional, though it might seem boring to someone else. But you aren't interested in taking unnecessary risks that can put your solid footing in jeopardy.

Your motto might be "Take care of the senses and everything else will take care of itself." It may be that your attraction to material things is less about the objects themselves than it is about the pleasure they bring to your senses. Comfortable living and working space is important to you, along with nice linens, clothing, food and music. And, as one of the most practical signs, your outlook on life is usually quite sensible. As you plod along in life, getting what you need in order to survive, don't forget to look at the beauty that is beyond the material world of material possessions.

Element: Earth

Earth signs are naturally practical. In this lifetime we are bound to Earth. There is no escaping the reality around us. The Earth is about as real as it gets; it can be felt, weighed and it has substance. Accordingly, the earth signs base their life on what is real, not what is imagined. Sensation is valued over thoughts or feelings. Earth signs live with their feet on the ground. Others seek their advice because of their basic sensibility. For earth signs, seeing is believing.

The earth of Taurus is simple and sensible. It's about getting back to basics. This is about working the earth in a garden or about having the tools that we need in order to build.

House: Second

The Second House symbolizes those things that are of value to us. Personal possessions are within this domain, as is our money. Anything having personal value is associated with the Second House. It also represents those things we value that are not things. When you think about what is most important to you -- your own values -- you are indeed thinking about your Second House.

Key Planet: Venus

Venus is the planet of love and desire. She is in charge of romance and beauty. But Venus isn't only about physical love; she's also symbolic of the ideal love. When we see a beautiful painting or other work or art, Venus is present. She is the beauty of a rose as much as she is the attraction we have to someone we love. As the key planet of Taurus, Venus is sensual and simple. We fulfill the senses with beauty and life is good.

Greatest Strength:

Your sensible outlook on life

Possible Weakness:

Accepting less than you can achieve

yeah i completely agree with the sign that i was born under. it seems to fit very well with my personality. the one part of my personality that fits very well with the taurus is being stubborn. i am the most stubborn person i know but i think thats just who i am and who i will always be. :)

Day 14

what i wore today:

a maroon tank under a white shirt (hollister)

with jessica simpson jeans

and brown reef sandals

just the normal nothing special

Day 13

My body and how i feel about it:

well it isnt a secret of how i feel about my body. i hate my body i really do. there are many reasons why i do. it might be because of i remember how my body looked when i was cheerleader and did all those activities. it might be the fact my ex called me fat. it also might be the fact that ever since i was 10 my mother has called me fat. i have days where ill feel fine with it. but im going to change and work on that i want to be comfortable like i use to when i was younger. i look in the mirror and try to say 10 things about myself that i truly love and i just cant instead ill get to 3 and start seeing the things i actually hate. so my goal after yesterday and weeding out all the bad there was in my life im going to work on myself im going to become happy and comfortable with myself again. i realize its going to be hard but life is hard and its time i begin to love who i am on the outside since i love who i am on the inside.

oh god...

this has been the hardest day ive been through in a really long time. today was the day i kicked my ex out of my life. he literally has been texting me daily telling me how much he wanted me back and all this other stuff and now i found out hes dating the girl he use to send inappropriate texts to while we were dating. he is a pig and i hate him. well i wish i did anyways. i cant hate him but it will be a whole hell of a lot easier once hes out of my life. the sad thing is that he was one of my best friends 3 years ago. we dated off and on for 2 of those 3. this just sucks. i guess i fouled myself in thinking that we could stay friends but i guess i lied to myself. and he lied to me for months he lied. when i first started dating him i thought he was the sweetest guy ever but no he wasnt not even close he is probably the biggest horniest asshole i have ever known and that says a lot considering how many jackasses i have dated since i was 15. im done. im focusing on myself my friends and my family any guy is really going to have to prove to me that he is worth my time my heart and my focus if you cant prove that then keep moving.

i know this rant probably doesnt make any sense but i needed to get it out.

Day 12

Five Attractive guys:

1. Gerard Butler

2. Kellan Lutz

3. channing tatum

4. Sean Farris

5. dwayne johnson

Day 11

my family:

my mother is my rock. ive watched her go through everything and come out shining. she has been through so much yet she can still smile and wake up happy every morning. even though i dont show my love for her enough i hope she knows how much she means to me. we arent very close and really never have been but she is and will always be my mother. i know that she will be there for me no matter what.

my father well what can i say about him? im a daddys girl. my dad has always been on my side. i love him. ive watched him also go through for some very terrible things and he has also come out shining. what hes been through and what he put my family through is hard to even talk about but hes a better person for it and he has made us a stronger family unit because of it. im greatful for him.

my brother this is one isnt very hard for me. i love my brother and now we are so much closer its kind of back to how it use to be when i was little. hes protective and i love him for it. and the fact that we are back to having a great relationship just proves that family no matter how distant you become will always come back stronger than ever. hes a great guy and an even better brother. im greatful to have such a great brother because i know he is special.

my grandmother well theres a lot of hurt feelings there. but she is my grandmother and i will love her but to be truthful the only reason i love her is because she is related, i feel bad for saying that but i cant and wont lie about it.

my cousin, sissy, she is probably the one family member that i am closest too. she is strong and she is one of my role models. we know so much about eachother and hang out so much. i am greatful for her. shes beautiful inside and out and i love her to death.

the rest of my family i am not very close with but they are still family and they will always be loved by me and they are a great family to have. its the best feeling in the world to know that they will always be there for me and i for them.

Day 10

shuffle and the first ten songs:

1. I'm in-keith urban

2. take a bow- glee cast

3. we are broken- paramore

4. last name- carrie underwood

5. which to bury, us or the hatchet- relient k

6. believe- yellowcard

7. who's crying now- saving jane

8. i wanna know- joe

9. boy like me- jessica harp

10. last resort- papa roach

Day 9

How important I think education is:

Well as all my friends know I believe that education is probably one of the most things we can achieve. Learning new things and developing new "jacks of the trade" as they say will help the country and the generations to come. Instead of learning only one aspect of school, say the thing you want to do for the rest of your life, you have the option of learning and taking all sorts of classes and developing and having the option of doing more than one thing for the rest of your life. i love education i think that we as a country take it for advantage and i think we need to realize how important it is for our future it will make us a better and stronger country and hey maybe even help our economy.

Day 8

What i ate today... to me this is a waste of a day but hey if you all want to know what i consumed today here it is...

-oatmeal

-left over Japanese steak house shrimp, rice, and veggies

-spaghetti with meat sauce and mushrooms with garlic bread

-brownies

Day 7

Five pet peeves:

i have a lot of pet peeves but these are the ones that came to mind first.

1. guys judging girls based on their cup size.

2. Couples who sit on the same side of the booth when there is no one on the other side.

3. People who invite you out somewhere then cancel.

4. People who go the wrong way in a parking lot.

5. Conversational High-Fives: High-fiving at any time other than when one is actively playing a sport

Day 6

Thoughts on mainstream music.

Well to be honest I kind of like mainstream music. its not like a guilty pleasure but its usually how i find songs that i end up falling in love with. and playing over and over again. mainstream music isnt all i listen to but for the most its whats on my ipod and the radio. i do think that the radio tends to ruin songs because they play them to death.

Day 5

Things I want to say to an ex:

hmm well where to begin?

You had everything when you had me. i loved being around you. you were my best friend. i know exactly where we went wrong. it was not ones fault over the other, it was a combination of both of our faults. i still love you and i love what we had. but to be honest i am not sure we can ever have what we had. i felt judged. i feel like i was never the one you truly wanted to be with. yes it is partly because of my insecurities. but you still hurt me. you still judge me. you say youll miss me when i move, but i dont know if i believe you. i miss you and then i think of something you said or did and realize we never made the other better. we fought and cried more then laughing and joking around. we use to be the couple and the relationship i wanted so bad every since i was a young girl. and then we turned into something i never wanted to be a part of. in the end we reminded me so much of my parents and i never want to be in a relationship like my parents. there are still things that bother me; like why could you never do something just because it makes me happy? why were you so selfish? was i that bad of a girlfriend? in the end were you trying to get me to breakup with you so you didnt have to? what bothers me the most is the day you called me fat. i still cry about it. i am very sensitive about my weight. and i probably always will be. You knew the story of my past and used that against me. i never thought you would be the one person who would use my past against me. I hope if you ever read this you dont take this the wrong way. I am grateful for what we had and what we were. I grew up a lot this past year and i know you did too. You are a great guy and will find someone that you will find worthy of doing things for and not just because you feel obligated but because you want that person happy. I still love you and you will always have a piece of my heart but i know that we can never be as close as we once were. Our past is too much a part of me and its all i see or think about when i talk to you. im sorry we ended the way we did but its better this way its better than hating eachother. so to end this i think i should say thank you for what you did and gave me. we were once great but things and people change. thank you for being my best friend for so long. thank you for everything i got to experience with you. i guess in general thank you :) and i know youll succeed and find a wonderful life.

Day 4

Bullet my whole day:

- listen to music

- talk to murphy sunshine

-wishing i was out of this town

-go on tumblr

-sleep

-watch friends with benifits

-get ready to hang out with murphy sunshine

-watch flipped

-get starbucks

-got a phone call about a douche

-watch heartbreakers

-had an insightful conversation with murphy sunshine

-ate dinner with the second family

-watch dr. who

-looked at halloween costumes

-looked up some cute baseball players

-talked to mom

-made a plan for tomorrow

-tumblr

-music

-watch jenna marbles videos on youtube

-update my iphone and ipod

-drive home

-sleep :)

Day 3

A book I love

Well this one is pretty hard for me since im a book reader. I live on books. But i guess the one that stands out to me i think would be for one more day by Mitch Albom. I remember reading this for the first time in high school, it was on the school reading list, and i was just so touched by the story. It reminded me of my grandmother who died when i was 13/14. I remember sitting there reading it and thinking about how great it would be for her to have that last day. I still own that book and sometimes when im really missing her ill read it. Mitch Albom is a great author i have yet to read book by him that i hate.

Day 2

Something i feel strongly about:

well to be honest i feel strongly about a lot of things. But the thing i feel most strongly about would have to be being true to yourself. No matter how many people judge you or hate you for it. I learned a long time ago you cant make everyone happy, believe me ive tried, and it just isnt worth it. As long as youre happy with yourself and who you are inside then everything else doesnt matter. In the end it will always be ok. So be crazy and do and say whatever you want because theres a saying ive heard since i was young and it might be cliche but cliches are not always bad. It goes "those who mind dont matter. and those who matter dont mind."